Insecurity. Competition. Low Self Esteem. Comparisons. Anger. Bitterness. The Corona before Corona.
One of my most disappointing moments of being a woman is the first hand experience of the distasteful hatred, envy, jealousy, gossip, ‘crab in a barrel’ mentality I’ve seen among women. I am moved to speak to us! Woman to Woman. Heart to Heart.
I wish to start with an excerpt from my most recent publication - The Conversations on Her Pillow: From Brokenness to Wholeness
"There were days I thought I was getting better until the Tsunami hit again. Repeated hurts and past traumas brought me back to the place I thought I had received healing. Yup! Right back there. There many first days of emotional healing for me. Each time it took a different toll. I began my true journey of emotional wholeness when I made a conscious decision to receive love. I made a conscious decision to put the past behind and live life purposefully and free. Deciding was easy; doing was easier said than done. But I was determined to become better, free and whole. I learned to love myself, to see myself as important enough to say no to others, reset my standards and take dominance of my sphere. "
PS: I didn't always have it together! And I am certainly not the angry, bitter, insecure woman I used to be!
Purpose, marinated with maturity, sense of self, knowledge of self, identity and growth - seasoned with purity of heart, have taught me truths that I am yet to read in a book, learn from a course or hear from a woman. This wholeness journey has taught me that a clear line of demarcation exists between being a woman and being WOMAN. In that same measure, wholeness has demanded my acceptance and understanding that being a woman has historically suppressed the need for being WOMAN as it requires continuous death to a mentality, lifestyle and sense of self that acts as a life support for many.
I can hear the questions emanating from this read! I hear questions of ‘how?’. I hear sentiments of ‘it’s so hard to be a woman’; ‘I’m not even sure of who I am and where I fit’.
I see women positioned in places where breast, hips, full lips, long hair, ass and sex appeal have qualified them. I also see women fighting to attain these positions because of the culturally proposed need to be ‘woman’ - a perception defined through someone’s diseased peripheral.
Daily, I witness a woman’s decision to set ceilings she can walk on, because she was either too weak, too broken or too lazy to set her own standard, speed limits and boundaries. Birthed from another’s insecure and negative conception, she impregnates at a place and in a season where the one who impregnated her is incapable of nurturing, caring and providing for her at the level of her required peace, happiness and wholeness. Even before she decides to commit to a relationship, she struggles with ‘baby daddy issues’, infidelity and abandonment issues. Vaguely does she realize that what and who she attracted resulted from the gap she failed to bridge between her genetics and her personal geography.
I wanted to stop by to remind you of who you are. Perhaps, you’ve probably never been introduced to yourself as you’ve spent most of your life trying to find ‘her’ or rescuing others. Queen, now is the perfect time to do so!
Before there was Corona, there was low self-esteem, bitterness, anger, insecurity, intimidation, envy, jealousy and sin. Before there was Corona, the struggle among women to cooperate, encourage and support each other existed. Many of us have comfortably settled and become self-immune to viruses that have arguably affected generations - killing dreams, visions, missions, purposes and world changing ideas. Can you imagine who we would be, where we would be, and what we could give if we gave the same energy, focus and commitment to the frequent and effective sanitation of our hearts and minds? Imagine for a minute the measure of positive impact we would have in our relationships, homes, workplaces and communities, if we chose to boost our mental, emotional, physical, financial and spiritual immune systems. Imagine who our young girls would be if the environment and culture responsible for raising them was one that inspired them to grow in truth, maintain a posture of positive self worth and the grace to love others from a place of love. I dare you to envision who our boys would be if strong, bold, confident, supportive, whole women trained and taught them not just in words, but in action.
Queen, God has given us a beautiful gift; and that is to produce and nurture. However, we must be held responsible for who we produce. Who we produce is who we are. We are also held responsible for how and what we nurture. Take a minute to think about that.
I am challenging you to take the next fourteen (14) days to mentally quarantine. As you do this, ensure that you employ the following health practices:
Sanitize: Yes! Sanitize (wash, clean, renew, purge) your mind in order to make room for what benefits, nurtures and develops what you were created to produce. Our mind has self-sufficient capabilities that will allow us to contract, store and produce viruses birthed from negative self-talk, verbal abuse, low-self esteem, depression, fear, anxiety, and everything else that you’re currently confronted with that’s not listed here. Romans 12:2 encourages us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. The change to become whole, healed, healthy and consistently at peace and happy cannot be achieved from your salon and spa visits. You have to transform the way you think by deciding what you will think about. How is this done?, you may ask. Here’s how!
Boost your immune system: Physically we consume supplements (vitamins and minerals) to assist our body in defending itself against viruses. So too must we intentionally commit to consuming (reading, listening to, watching) material and/or information that will nourish what we desire to develop. This means that we must set healthy boundaries as it pertains to what we allow people to speak into our lives. It means that we will need to take up a book that doesn’t just tickle our fancy, but points us in the direction of holistic development, truth, vulnerability and ascension. It means that we must be willing to turn the news off sometimes. Yes, we need to be aware of what’s happening in the word we live in. But, what do you really think happens when all you consume is bad news? What type of food are you really feeding your mind?
Cover your mouth: Sometimes silence is the most powerful, life changing and rewarding response we can give or statement we can make. A question I often ask myself is: ‘is your thought about a situation or person once said, able to help you?’. If it won’t help you, it definitely won’t benefit them. AND, of Course this is a struggle! Our emotions, state of mind, and the sometimes ‘unfair hands’ we are dealt forces us to lash out, or have a spill over. The spillover, however, is often confirmation that the thing we criticize in others is the war within that we are unable to put to rest. If it is not encouraging or eye opening, cover your mouth. Nobody needs to hear it. Stop spreading the virus.
Refrain from putting your hands in your face: This is undeniably a very hard task, yet so important. Why? It is a self-soothing gesture! But what happens if the ‘thing’ we are trying to soothe is what is destroying us? What if the thing we are trying to protect ourselves from is what we need to be exposed to? I am challenging us to be still; to keep our hands at our sides and away from our faces. Exposure often reveals truth and the need for change.
Always remember, you give glory (power, adoration, permission) to what you focus on!
Here's to 14 days of truth, introspection, vulnerability, healthy decisions, setting boundaries and taking your life back from the grave of brokenness. And...don't forget to help another woman on your way out.